Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(301): View more from Maryland

It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.

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(479): View more from Arkansas

Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.

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(203): View more from Connecticut

She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.

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(513): View more from Ohio

All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.

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(815): View more from Illinois

When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome

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(513): View more from Ohio

Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.

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(561): View more from Florida

We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.

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(702): View more from Nevada

Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride

(702): View more from Nevada

Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding

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