Already got asked if we're dating
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
