Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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