I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
