Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
