mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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