Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
