I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
i am craving dick and cupcakes
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
