We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
