Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
