The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Randomize
