I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
