that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize