we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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