Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
did i just pee glitter
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
