I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
