don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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