Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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