you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Randomize
