Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
And then he peed in my hair
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
