EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
