I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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