i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I AM VODKA MAN
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
