i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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