Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
