My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize