At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
