I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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