Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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