she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
