So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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