So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
