I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Randomize
