you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
