i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
