yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
This house was built for laser tag.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize