my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
