Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
the liver wants what the liver wants
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
