Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
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