I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
