If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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