I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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