And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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