Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
