Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
