you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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