Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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