her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
