TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
