I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
My life is pants optional.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
