so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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