So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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