i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
