i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
