he shaved USA in his pubs
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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