I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
