I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
just tell him i said nine months
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
