you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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