You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
