I faked an abortion last night.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
