im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
BRING THE BAGELS
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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