I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
