So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
