Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
