my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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