Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
