my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
