If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize