sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
